Day at the Doctors...

I spent almost six hours yesterday at the U.Va. medical center. Last time I went, the doctor told me to stop by the blood test center before my next appointment. Okay, appointment at 1, so I'm at the blood test center at 11:30. Wait 20 minutes. My turn comes up. Sorry, you're not in the computer, you need to check in at registration across the hall. Okay, go across hall. Sign in, take a seat. Wait 15 minutes. My turns comes up. Sit down by lady at a computer. Oh, this is the neurology clinic, you want registration, it's down the hall, not across the hall. Okay. I go to registration down the hall. Wait 20 minutes. My turn comes up. Sit down by another lady at a computer. Oh, we don't have you in the computer, you must want Main registration. Here's a map. Go across the street, turn right, turn left, up three floors, turn right, turn left, end of hall, turn right, third door, end of hall, turn left, turn right, third hallway on left, turn right at water fountain, second door on right. Fifteen minute walk. Okay. Get to main registration. It's now past time for my doctor's appointment. Wait another 15 minutes. My turn comes up. Sit down, start interrogation with nurse as she types info in computer. Get 10 minutes into the registration process, lady finds out that I'm only supposed to have blood work done, tells me that I'm at the admitting office for overnight patients. Sends me back across the street to blood clinic. Says I shouldn't have to register at all, just go to the blood clinic. Two hours after first arriving, I'm right back where I started from at the blood clinic and the lady at the blood clinic tells me she has nothing in the computer so there's nothing she can do for me. She can't draw blood until I'm in the computer. I give up and go to the doctors appointment. Doctor's office doesn't mind, because doctor is running 1 hour late anyway. Turns out to be 2 hours late. Get into examining room just before 3. Get undressed. Nurse takes blood pressure (twice, they always take it twice on me... they look at my tummy, take it at 125/75, then take it again thinking that can't be right.), temperature, etc. and comments about how chilly the room is. I sit on the cold table in my underwear for another 40 minutes. Chilly. I wonder if maybe they want me to catch pneumonia. At last, doctor comes in, asks why I haven't had my blood tested yet. Tell him the story. He checks computer. Yep, it's in there. Gives me a number to take back to blood lab. I go back to blood lab and give them number. They take number, yep, it's in there. The lady then proceeds to type the first eleven chapters of Tolstoy's War and Peace into the computer, and after she proofreads it, tells me to take a seat. Read six issues of Readers Digest. 45 minutes later, my turn comes up, it takes 4 minutes for them to draw my blood, three of which are sticking me four times to try to get a vein that will work. I go back to doctor's office. Sit in waiting room another 10 minutes. Get taken back to examing room. Nurse comes in and tells me doctor also wants x-ray. Gives me (get this!) a full sheet of paper containing 20 lines of text: the directions on how to get to x-ray! I follow the directions meticulously through the labyrinth. It takes me 15 minutes of walking and waiting and riding on three different banks of elevators, and finally, surprise, arrive at the radiology department waiting room! Perfect. Just one problem. The door is closed and locked. Lights off. Locked up tight. Go back to doctors office. They spend 10 minutes on phone, give me new directions to a second x-ray office. Go to second x-ray office, in completely different building. No one there, either, but voices in the back, giggling and laughing. I cough loudly, clear my throat, call out, say hello, no response, but giggling and laughing continue. I have a seat and wait 10 more minutes. Finally someone comes out and takes my papers. Wait 10 more minutes. Girl comes out and says we have to go to Urology x-ray since their equipment is down for some reason. We walk another mile and a half it seems, and finally get to a working x-ray department. I've had dozens, perhaps more than a hundred, chest x-rays in my life so I know the drill. I get undressed and stand with my chin on the bracket, while they fiddle with some contraption that looks like a TV dinner tray table. 10 minutes. They finally inform me that it's a shield intended to stand behind me to protect two certain parts of my body from the x-ray beam. I inform them that at my age I'm probably through with those particular parts anyway, especially as far as their originally-intended purpose, so they drop the idea of getting the shield set up. Taking the x-ray takes all of 1 minute. Walk all the way back up to the doctors office. I have uncanny direction, so I've always known exactly where I am, but I feel very sorry for people who don't have that... they'd get lost in that maze and never be found. Arrive at doctor's office just after 5:00 pm. Lights off, doors closed. Start to leave, run into doctor coming out. He invites me back in to the office, writes me refills for all four (4) of my prescriptions, plus a fifth one, too. Tells me that he has reached the conclusion (get this!) that I have "mild persistent asthma". I tell him, yep, he's guessed right. I've had it for about 25 years now. His tests are spot on. I remind him he reached that conclusion last time. He pointed out that last time, he didn't use the word "persistent". He tells me that getting rid of the cat probably won't help. He wants to run more tests, but the place is closing down. It's almost 5:30 pm. Tells me to call and make appointment to come back in four months. Four months?! Yep, four months. I get back to the parking garage just in time to join the Charlottesville rush hour traffic. I sure enjoy making Dubby happy.