'Twas the Night Before Finals...

Adapted from Andrew Hund, 1993

‘Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were all praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of Balance Sheets danced in their heads.

In parties and pubs, quite a few were still drinking.
What in the world can they possibly be thinking?
Are they delusional, dreaming “I Am Da Man”
When in a few short hours, the ‘stuff’ hits the fan?

On the third floor of Godwin, I was nervously pacing,
It was Fordham’s Final Exam I soon would be facing.
My soda’s so stale that it no longer fizzes,
And I’ve lost all the answers to twelve of those Quizzes!

Ownership and governance, 1099’s, the SEC,
BB + TI = TO + EB;
Auditors, Prepaids, Reconciliations, and more
There’s Gross Margin and EBIT all over the floor.

Unearned revenue, contribution, 10K's and F.O.B.,
Leverage, FICA, Pro Forma's, and C.V.P.;
Mixed Costs, Break-Even, Budgets and Regressions.
My group members' faces are zombie expressions.

I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were all shot.
Fordham had warned us:  be learning as you go along,
But we had ignored him, hoping he'd be wrong.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I just couldn't study.
When all of a sudden, the door opened wide,
And good ol' Saint Procrastinate ambled inside.

His spirit was careless, his manner was bright,
And his backpack -- compared to mine -- was surprisingly light.
I wondered what made him decide to appear?
Was it to give us some warm last-minute cheer?

But he frowned and his countenance turned white as a ghost,
And he took a deep breath and yelled, “Admit it! You’re Toast!
Give it up.  It’s over. Now it’s too late!
This cramming won’t work.  You’ve decided your fate.

“If you’ve not learned it by now, well, don’t totally despair.
Dr Copley gives overrides, ... and he doesn’t have white hair!
But if you’ve learned and learned well, you’ve nothing to fear!
Fordham finals are fair, at least that’s what I hear.

"So hunker down with the financials, learn the details of costs.
If your statements correctly balance, all is not lost.
Ratios and ledgers, accruals and journal entries...
It's been done the same way for at least several centuries."

His message delivered, he vanished from sight.
But we heard him laughing outside in the night.
“Regardless of what happens, just give it your best!
Happy Finals to All, and to All a Good Test!”